Citrus stories Part I
by Greg78x
Summary: Mei is lost to the world and in the clutches of Udagawa's place. Yuzu is nowhere to be found there. This is likely post Chapter 38. I didn't know there was a thing about mature ratings. There are definitely some hardcore things in here about female masturbation and cursing, bad language. I'm waiting on an invitation from AO3 since I can see myself not fitting in here. Beware! M


Mei sat on the edge of the bed, weeping. The tears rained down from her face as she put up her palms to stop the waterworks. "Here I go again with this crap." She didn't like how emotional she had become ever since she had left Yuzu and Ume's place and ended up at Udagawa's house.

The transition had been too quick, she couldn't believe how fast the move had been, it had given her whiplash leaving her haven for some stranger's abode all at once. At one moment she had been incredibly in love, with a girl no less. Yuzu had accepted her whole being and made her happy. They had gone out on dates, had fun, and now she didn't remember what fun was.

She liked Udagawa, he was a good man. In a different life she could imagine spending the rest of her days with him, but there was something that dug at her and filled her with doubt. Udagawa was nice but he wasn't Yuzu, he lived a carefree life and had given up many of his responsibilities from his family. Before the arranged marriage and her moving in, he had managed a measly coffee shop in Tokyo that his family owned. He had been dealt the bad hand of luck in how he was not the first born, but had still eked out a living.

Meanwhile Mei had to deal with investors, shareholders and councilmen. She had to deal with her grandfather. She was sick of this. Udagawa was a good person, a great person, her grandfather had put much effort into selecting a mate that suited her. And yet, he was too normal, too carefree. He understood nothing of the pressure she had gone through, building the school's reputation after her grandfather's sickness, doing paperwork. The responsibilities the job would require were too much to imagine.

They didn't click. She liked Udagawa as a person, but she couldn't imagine loving him, couldn't imagine having to spend more than five minutes with him. He was boring. He would run her life in a way and she would have no control over her daily affairs. She would raise a child, maybe two, hopefully not more—please God! She would run the household. Then again, maybe he would be like the stay-at-home wife. He would raise the kids while she worked. She could imagine that, living her life at her job, doing her paperwork, coming home to two children she didn't quite understand, not loving or understanding Udagawa on an emotional level. It would be like the postwar times, she would suffer through it as a woman and do the service of society to raise the next generation.

That made her happier, maybe this was bearable. Then she remembered that the school where she would be working was the place where her and Yuzu and had fallen in love… and she slowly began to break down.

The tears fell again, hot and hard and steamy. They were sharp, her ducts had received quite a workout. In a mere 8 to 10-month period she had gone through an emotional roller coaster. How much longer would she have to live with this pain? When Yuzu had mentioned marriage, every feeling Mei had had throughout her life that was negative and positive had come roiling back from the dark, black sea she kept hidden in her heart.

She recalled how her soul had broken open and downwards when Yuzu spoke those words to her. There was the betrayal of never telling Yuzu how she felt about her, how her responsibilities would change her life. Her love for Yuzu was so strong at that point. Mei felt Yuzu within her like she was placed in her ankle, like she was her foot. She was her support in daily life. Yuzu had hidden away much of the poison that Mei had become accustomed to in her daily life over an extended time.

Sho… her father. Her loving father who had left her at that crucial time, as she began puberty and began to become a woman with thoughts and feelings and emotions as an individual. She no longer hated him, but despised utterly his constant absence.

Ume had been like a savior in a way. In her heavy life then, when she was a sulky, closeted, isolated girl, all alone in her father's home, drowning away the nights in utter loneliness… she imagined what it was like to be a teenage girl. To have fun, go on dates. She had seen many modern sitcoms where the boy and the girl have a romance, get sweet on each other, fall in love… she had dreamt of what her other life would be like with her father around.

Hatred built up inside her. At this moment she understood all that her father was running away from. She was looking down a chasm of many years, decades of time lost so that she could become this baby machine that society and grandfather wanted and expected a young girl to be. She would be pregnant, have a large belly, pump out a kid (the very thought of delivery was gruesome and painful). Meanwhile, Udagawa would be holding her hand. She didn't understand him now and considered herself too different to ever be able to do so. Maybe over time she would love him in her own way, as all the lonely housewives basically accustom themselves to.

But in the present time she imagined this grey brick, smiling, holding her hand. She was used to sex, she could get through that okay. Her last fiancé had practically forced himself on her more than a few times, it was probably pleasure weekend sex compared to his more meaningful intimate sex with his real girlfriend who he loved and dated on the side.

No, what Mei dreaded were those close emotional moments, when she would have to hold Udagawa-san's hand during delivery of their first child and she didn't know if she would feel compassion or understanding pulsing through him or her for each other. That terrified her, to possibly never understand the father of her children. To never know him deep inside.

She would be touching a gray blob, a creep, a stranger in her own bed, as his child fell out of her body. What if she didn't make it through delivery? She would die in the most painful way possible, imagining a partner she never knew and didn't love, in a life she didn't want, after strenuous, stressful hours at that school where she had met her first love.

Yuzu was a crazy bitch… Mei laughed to herself. She said the stupidest things she could imagine. "I'll make you happy!" "This is my Mei-Mei happiness plan and it's going to work!" She remembered how she had picked out that colored bear on their date one time in Shinjuku. She didn't give fuck all about the bear, even though she liked him. But when Yuzu hugged her after looking deep into her eyes, and she could feel her soft embrace and body melding with hers, all resistance had withered.

Her time away from her father had turned her into an Elsa, an ice queen. Yuzu was like the sister, but a step sister. And somehow, when she had been confronted with Yuzu's quirky beauty up close, she had probably lost all compunction and started kissing her and touching her. Mei put a hand up to her face out of embarrassment, "What the fuck is wrong with me?" She laughed, shaking her head.

Her constant loneliness without father had probably turned her into a nutty inpatient with a raving lack of emotional control. She might've eventually unraveled and ended up at an institution from all the stress, control, and lack of emotional connection in her life. But somehow…

Kamisama had given her a miracle she still didn't understand, someone or something she didn't know she wanted and didn't know she needed.

That bright shining bob of blonde hair…It weaved in and out in its crazy bob, bubbling up and down with every stupid hilarious movement Yuzu's head made. It was hilarious and ridiculous! Yuzu was so funny… "My God," she thought. Yuzu always did such stupid, outlandish things, while she herself tried to follow every rule her grandfather had ever taught her.

What was she doing taking examples from an old gentleman like grandfather? From a different generation so far in the past, talking to those damn shareholders every day while he put all his energy on maintaining his fortune. She respected his diligent work life so much that she had become attached to the old man. She loved him in her own way. He was there when Sho disappeared. On birthdays he had given her a card. He had shown what kindness he could muster in between his busy life. He cared for her… but she wasn't sure at that specific moment whether he understood her fully.

She loved that old man since he was family. She wanted the responsibilities he put on her. She was like him in many ways. She enjoyed the intellectual challenge of his work, dealing with different personalities in the workplace. She enjoyed Himeko for instance, always trying to be serious and proper. She enjoyed budgets, she liked having accounts in working order and watching profits roll in.

She liked seeing their money grow, knowing that she was building something. She liked feeling responsible for it and sharing it with the rest of the world. Her grandfather impressed her greatly. He had respect, fame and went to bed every night knowing just where he stood in the world.

Mei thought to herself that she had likely picked up a few key genes from her grandfather, through her father. Sho had shown her the way when she was just a kid, but grandfather had let her put it into practice as she was figuring out what she wanted to be. She was an Aihara and damn proud of the fact.

Yuzu had gunked up everything. Mei's life had been running smoothly the way her grandfather saw fit until that crazy, funny blonde weave strolled into view. Yes, she thought, what was it about her hair? It just didn't make sense! It was like a clown bob. Yuzu did uproarious things with her hair. Mei liked her own straight black hair well, rolling off her shoulders and protecting her in the rain and cold. Yuzu's hair was an expression of her as a character in her life, an art piece, her gift to the world. Mei always liked that about Yuzu yet never understood that until Yuzu was gone out of her life. Yuzu brought her own things into this world that while different, made it worth living.

Mei and Yuzu were part of the same ecosystem, the same universe, just different species. She remembered when she had caressed her for her cellphone when she first met her at school, and she blushed. Somehow, even though she came from a poor family, Yuzu's presence had magnified Mei's greatly. By contrast to her own nature, Yuzu brought something into Mei's life that she needed desperately. She knew what it was now though, it was love.

Yes, grandfather had always loved her in his own traditional way. Yuzu however, had brought a powerful energetic love she could never quite understand yet was always fascinated by. Her smile…

Mei blushed, and naughtily began to pull her hand over her clothed breast and down to her thigh over her khaki shorts. She subconsciously started rubbing her erogenous zones, hoping to get a bit of titillation. "God damn that smile…" Mei said out loud. That smile was so erotic! She came from a family of people who all silently demurred. Everyone in the Aihara family grimaced in an unsatisfied way. Yuzu had a gigantic smile and Udagawa had that weak laugh. He would weakly laugh at everything. In ways he was like Yuzu, very gentle. But Yuzu would be proud and physical when she needed to.

When Yuzu smiled her big smile, her big white teeth would show and her little chin would lift. It was empowering to watch someone who at that point, in a way, was her best friend show her full feminine power. It would always send an energetic thrill through the calm, closeted Mei when Yuzu would grin and smile, and she would shut her eyes and say hello to the world in her own way. In her mind she would always imagine that was Yuzu's orgasm face. She was such a silly clown. She was her clown… a big blonde, dumb, silly clown.

Mei wrapped her hands around her crotch and with her other hand began to probe her mouth and lips, inserting her fingers and lastingly licking them. She breathed sensuously. It was too much for her. Just that one part of Yuzu's body attracted her more than anything, she imagined her laughing. That huge blonde weave and that giant laugh as she would shut her eyes and celebrate living… Mei was rubbing now, and she could feel herself getting wet on her panties. She quickly checked to see if it had bled through her shorts. Not yet.

It was hard to really get off or get to your spot with these tight khaki shorts, she thought. Her long middle finger was between her lips down below in just the right place. She sort of wanted to undress and have it out, but she didn't know or hadn't checked where Udagawa-san was this morning… she honestly didn't remember much of what he was doing ever. He would tell her he was going to the store, or to work, or talk to investors, or his family… blah blah blah boring fucking child-man.

The very thought of Udagawa turned her cold. He was so boring. Stupid glasses and big nose. Ugh. Then again, she didn't think of her attraction to men all that often. She had liked them well enough throughout her life seeing them at shops and walking the streets of Tokyo, but then she hadn't much cared for anybody before.

"Fuck it," she blurted. She walked up and locked the bedroom door. She sat back down and noticed, "His fucking stink is on the other side of the bed, goddamnit, ugh." She'd have to ignore it. It was Saturday, so no one could say a thing to her today. No employees, no workers, no staff, no school. Just her and her fingers, and in the back of her mind that lovely blonde bitch she would give ten million dollars to have in bed with her right now licking every single inch of her body.

She unbuttoned her shorts, practically threw off her underwear all the way down to her knees, finally picking it off her toes and throwing it wherever they wanted to go.

She pulled off her blouse, tore off her bra, breaking the clasp in back. "Cheap piece of shit," she blurted. She blushed. Why was she cursing? Of course, she thought, she was mad as hell. She wanted to masturbate furiously in anger at her stupid self for giving up on love, and hopefully stinking up the bed in ways Udagawa's confused mind could never understand. How inappropriate her grandfather would think all this was, how Sho's little girl had turned into a woman and the wicked things she was doing to her body. Ume would probably laugh and offer her a beer if she heard about it. Yuzu would have blushed all over her idiotic body and gulping, taken her clothes off too. Maybe she would be sucking and fucking her before her ass ever hit the silk sheets of this king bed, in this master bedroom full of expensive furniture?

"What have I become?" Her voice echoed through the room. It was pure silence and it was Saturday and there wasn't a thing anybody could do to stop her.

She placed two fingers around her pussy on either side and vigorously rubbed. "Goddamnit," she spoke out to herself again, "living with that Udagawa nut is such a hassle. A girl can never get off." She rubbed so hard and sensuously, moaning to herself, "Mmh, Yuzu!" She had her fingers in her mouth around her tongue and lips, she didn't know what part of her body was what anymore. She took her hand out of her mouth and began rubbing her left breast, angling to get the most pleasure. "Ohhh, more! More, please!" She was talking as slutty as possible to herself. She wanted to defile this room forever, she wanted her pussy stink to float and make the room noxious, suffocating anyone else who entered that wasn't her lover.

She stuck her long middle finger into her pussy and began humping and humping. She licked her fingers again, crudely imagining that Yuzu's ass was hovering over her face and she could sense the heat from her genitals all over her. She placed two fingers around her mouth and began licking thin air. "You cunt, you sexy cunt, goddamn you, your ass is perfect." She almost let out a crying moan from exasperation. It had been a long week, and physically she missed Yuzu and her body heat when they would sleep together. She was a horny animal. She was so desperate for Yuzu's silly colored girl nails to touch and rub her like she had done so many times. If Mei had a transporter in the corner of the room that could have beamed her anywhere, she would have dragged her sex-starving body into the machine stark naked, wet and throbbing and cast herself off to wherever Yuzu currently was. Maybe it would have been the mall? Maybe it would have been the grocery store? She would have gotten on the dirty floor on her bare knees, begging at the silly, poor clown she loved more than life itself. "Please!" she squeezed her eyes shut, it was coming but she didn't know when, "fuck me baby girl, fuck me so hard and never let go!" She moaned extremely hornily, "I want you-u-u, I want you-u-u-u-u," she was losing her mind. She hadn't thought like this in a long time. She put all her concentration on her lower half. She lifted her legs, knees to shoulders, and stuck three fingers, maybe even a pinky, into herself slowly but steadily. In a way, she kind of wished Yuzu was a man, because what an incredible man she would be. If Yuzu had a penis she would have gladly accepted it.

Her image of Yuzu's dirty, unshowered, stinky ass on her face was doing the job though.

Mei had to admit to herself, she was a very dirty, naughty girl and should be punished by Yuzu's dirty hand that she hadn't washed even after going out after school and being on the public train all day. Mei thought to herself about a possible infection, but blurted, "Eh, whatever," as she moaned loudly. "You earned it, kid." She was placing the image of herself as a cowboy sheriff and Yuzu as her cohort in her mind, or maybe a criminal in the local jail who had stolen an old woman's dumpling out of hunger. Mei was having very fucked up thoughts. It was going to come through her body in shakes and her blood would pound loudly around her ears.

"Fuck me, you cunt! Aaaaaagh," as she had her fingers around her tongue again and her middle finger was striking for gold inside of her, drilling for the deepest, tenderest G-spot she could find. "Dirty slut, fuuuuu-," Mei came, and she came hard. There was nothing like cumming in an empty house, fuck yes. No idiot annoying Udagawa-"san", no annoying relatives, grandfather, nobody.

She came so hard and her body was shaking from the extremeness of the masturbation. She realized in the moment how much she loved and needed Yuzu. Tears fell from her eyes down her cheeks freely, as at one moment she hated her position in life and next realized how much having the blonde support her and sleep with her at night had become such a habit.

"Yuzuu," she whispered into the silence, crying and still shaking. She hated herself and loved herself in the same moment. Even though she wasn't with her, she connected to Yuzu in that moment. "My fruit-peach bitch, suck my candyflower, you whore." She fell to her side, crying and shaking a little. "Damnit." She pounded the pillow with her clenched fist, another hand in her crotch, "Damnit." She was clenching her body. Why was she so stressed after all the wonderful things that had just gone on in her mind?

She was really crying now, though so silently at first that hadn't noticed the change. She couldn't believe the weeping and tears going on. She surprised herself.

She sat up on the bed, and tried to rub the tears away, and then fell forward into her hands. She accepted herself, this had been coming for a week and a half. Dealing with family, job, Udagawa-san. "Fuck."

She lifted her head up, eyes puffed up, crotch wet and throbbing, still gyrating around her special place. She peered into the mid-day silence, the light and dark of the master bedroom. Purple was splayed around her, in what had been an attempt to soothe her by her grandfather and handlers when she moved in. It was a cold empty room full of nothing, ghosts and death breathed around her, pale and looming into the future. She was filled with dread in a big place like this. It was the castle of her future funeral life. The sunlight poured between the curtains of two grand windows in front and behind her, they were of course purple. Majestic royal purple everything like her eyes.

It was midday, 12:15 pm. She was staring now at a mirror above the cabinet that held much of her personables, makeup, pearl necklace, all the things needed to look pretty and have status.

The room was cold but made warmer by her hidden warmth down below. She did love herself, it was true. Ever since she had met Yuzu she had learned to accept herself as she was, not for what she wasn't. Perhaps she was a bit cold to others, but Yuzu had started to change all of that. She wasn't like the old days anymore, she wouldn't go back. She might have fingered herself in the old days, but just enough to get by and get back to following her father's or grandfather's footsteps. Under Yuzu's tutelage and love however, she had she been able to accept her body and personality. She knew she was pretty and worthy of someone's touch, she just wasn't sure it was Udagawa's.

Mei looked at herself in the mirror, a crazy masturbating wet witch, with the loneliest eyes in the world. She was surprised to find that they were a woman's eyes, and Yuzu's love was still there.

Just then she heard someone walking through the front door, "I'm hooome!" Loud banging, thrashing about. Mei didn't care, the door was locked. She was trying to get her solemn focus back. Udagawa-san, was clumsily banging through the house, doing whatever in the universe can be so loud and upsetting to what had been a calm, peaceful atmosphere for the last hour (besides her rebellion against herself moments ago). She almost replied but just felt tired thinking of having to deal with him.

She was all wet and still kind of shaky. She laughed, giggling at her image in the mirror. She didn't hate herself at all. A couple of years ago she would've looked on with hatred and cursed herself, but she actually loved herself! "You blonde bimbo, look what you've done," she said in the most cowboy accent she could muster, she was talking to herself in the mirror. "Blonde bitch, look at what you've done to this beautiful girl body of mine. Clean it up!" Mei struck a dominant pose as she pointed at the mirror. She cocked her head back and laughed Jo-Jo style, "You lick this pussy until it's clean, bitch!"

"What was that honey!?" Udagawa-san interjected from somewhere else in the house, "Do you need something?"

"Nooo-oooo," Mei rudely shouted out, "I'm fiiii-iiiine." This seemed to be enough, as Udagawa kept banging around like a lost housewife, either in love or out of love, Mei couldn't tell from the furthest bangings and clangings of pans.

She sighed, she looked down at her body. Her breasts had grown a bit since she had left Yuzu. Her hips were bigger, and was sure her ass was wider and ampler like her hips. "Yuzu would've loved these. Perfect for babies though, I guess." She sighed again. "Goddamnit." She chuckled in a forlorn way. Yuzu had taught her to respect herself and she was doing just that. For a moment she let her mind lapse into what her ex-blonde girlfriend might be doing at that moment, but she internally knew to avoid something that would drag her down so far.

She showered up, enjoying around 25 minutes in the hot water, occasionally touching and rubbing herself and fingering her mouth and tongue. "You blonde bitch," she whispered, and giggled again.

What would life be like with Yuzu, she thought. 'I love you… please come back to me and save me from this bullshit.' She adamantly whacked herself, "Yuzu isn't coming for you, you stupid bitch, you left her." She sighed and moaned sadly. Time was up on imagining life with Yuzu. She even lost her motivation for shower masturbation. "No one's coming for you now, you silly goodbye-letter leaving dyke."

She sighed sadly as she dried herself and did up her hair. She had learned a lot from living with Yuzu for so long. When she had told Yuzu that she didn't care about her feminine identity, that was before they had started dating and she had really begun to try and understand everything her partner was telling her and meant to her. She had put forth quite a bit of effort to improve her feminine appearance for Yuzu. She even probably ate less now… or more based on her depression and gloom periods. Yuzu had improved her a lot, not just her body image. At least she wasn't putting on bad weight, she sighed.

She didn't get sad by herself anymore, like she had in the old days. She just remembered Yuzu's smiling face and tried to get through whatever she was doing. She was stuck with Udagawa-san through both her and her grandfather's enormous error, so she wouldn't let herself get sad. She wouldn't let herself get sad thinking of Yuzu because she knew that her ex was probably having a much rougher time than she was. It was a betrayal to her warm, fond memories to allow herself that sadness. She had done this to herself, and damnit she was going to have to be strong like Yuzu was strong and pull herself through it herself. It was unfair to cry in a world without Yuzu, without her there to kiss one's tears away.

Once she was ready she put her clothes back on, professional but not too much, chic. Udagawa was in the kitchen frying up a storm. She breathed it all in as she walked down the stairs. If Mei was the good little wife she would have put her hand on his shoulder and pecked him on the cheek, 'Good job, honey!' Instead she sat politely at the table and began reading the day's financial reports.

All those times Yuzu cooked for her flooded back as usual. Udagawa-san was an okay cook, he had managed a restaurant after all. It smelled quite decent. She couldn't imagine being miss mom and doing the cooking and laundry etc. Thank God Udagawa liked all those feminine things she didn't, what a blessing for her.

This was grandfather's life, she thought to herself as she sipped some tea. A husband who does my chores and I'm barely interested to talk to, as I inherit a school that couldn't compare to a life with Yuzu and my own personal happiness. I'll bitterly try to build a life with Udagawa-san whatever the rest of my life bears out, either going crazy doing it or going crazy quitting trying.

"What am I doing," she blurted. She had said the words before but always to herself. Udagawa-san looked up. Her expression and meaning couldn't have been clearer. There was no mistaking her this time or mishearing her lilting criticism. Usually he tried to wave it away and get through this, but not on a Saturday, not on a good day that God had blessed him with and good weather and everyone being so nice when he was shopping.

He set aside his pan from the burner and looked up at her. He was silent. Mei began to blush.

She looked down and aside with the saddest gray expression one could imagine, "Sorry." And she sipped her tea again.

Udagawa wasn't a hard man. He looked at her and looked her over for a brief time, and slid right back into the routine he was used to. 'Things will be like this,' he thought, 'at first.' 'It's just like all my friends said, 'new life, unhappy wife; old wife, happy life'. He hoped that one day, eventually, they could find peace together. Initially he hadn't thought much of her attitude, as waspish as it was. Some Japanese wives would be like this initially, with a man they didn't know. It was expected.

Yet her attitude had persisted, for far longer than he had ever counted out. It was like a viper in its nest. No, she didn't criticize him uselessly, wasn't even a bitch. Wasn't hard to deal with at all. She was actually rather peaceful. But he could tell, he could tell she didn't even want to fucking be there. He could breathe it and smell it on her every day. It was like a bad odor, like he didn't and wouldn't ever matter to her in a thousand years, even after the apocalypse and return of the gods from heaven. Buddha's presence himself couldn't turn her heart towards him.

Udagawa-san wondered if this is what all arranged marriages are like. His wife had a very laissez-faire attitude that told him she had no fucks left to give or had left all her fucks somewhere else.

He wanted to cry from the hazardous waste that was left in the space between them. Things would never be happy, even though he knew she tried. That was the galling thing, she tried very hard to make him feel accepted, yet couldn't bother or didn't want to spend a minute gratifying any romantic emotional desire he came up with. It was like she looked on him as a wooden board that was meant to be there, installed in the house with nails by the finest carpenter, but still just a part of someone else's breakfast nook.

Udagawa-san hated being furniture like this.

She was a very sweet girl, and he was a very sweet man, but even he had his limits. Maybe they didn't belong together? For some reason or another he got the sense that she didn't want to be there and wouldn't ever try to make it right. Something inside of her was unsatisfied, to the point of breaking. He didn't even want to imagine the sex after the wedding. That was going to be gruesome. Or the kiss at the wedding? Oy vey, please no.

Udagawa served the meal. "Thank you," Mei gently replied. She seemed happier today, more peaceful than in weeks. Her soul was actually there, not stranded at wherever she had left it like it usual. Perhaps this was a chance for successs, finally?

"So, um, we're supposed to meet Himeko and her fiancé for dinner tomorrow at the usual spot. Do you know what you're going to wear?" He casually asked, all smiles, putting on his best pleasant-man appearance with his charming smile.

"Eh, some thing," Mei replied. She hit his battleship for sure, but this chess match wouldn't end like this.

"I like that pearl necklace, oh and that perfume from last time was nice, are you going to stick with that?"

She kept her face down eating, "Yeah, pr-w-bly," she had a mouthful of food. She didn't really care about his small talk.

"It's nice today, you want to go for a drive?" Mei looked up for a brief moment. This certainly did interest her. She liked driving a lot but she never knew exactly why. Her mind of course darted to the one place where she would rather be. Yet trying not to lose the battle, "Okay. That's a good idea Udagawa-san, I'd like a drive."


End file.
